Why do I do this?

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Realization: I tend to ignore the people I am either most attracted to or most eager to get to know…

I will wave or smile, maybe have a quarter of a conversation with, but overall I hide from them.

Not sure how that helps me any…

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To My Two Favorite Boys

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Not that either of you are going to read this,

but I have something to say anyway.

I want you both to know that you are so kind to me and I am very appreciative of that.

I take notice to both of you because of that.

I would love to get to know the two of you as people and not just asΒ the two guys who work at the front desk and tell me I have a pretty smile.

I hope you’ll let me into your lives, but as you probably know by now,

I will not talk to you first.

I will not initiate conversation, but please don’t take that as a lack of interest.

I have social anxiety and it prevents me from doing those things,

but I promise I’m worth getting to know as a person, as a friend,

I’m worth having in your life.

So to my two favorite boys,

thank you and I hope you both let me know you.

 

10:45pm

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I find it hard to believe that someone could ever want me.

Not sexually, I already know there are people who want that, but me as a person.

Me, not just because they want sex, but because they want ME.

None of my exes ever really wanted me.

They thought they did, and then they got to know me and it all changed.

So I now find it very hard to believe that someone could want me.

Not just sex, but me as a person.