Home

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This is not my home
I think I’m better on my own
This is not where I belong
In this place, in this town, I’ve burnt myself down to the ground
From the ashes I wont rise
I don’t want to, not this time
I’d rather watch them blow away
With the wind, to where I’ve been, I wont go back

I don’t know where I’m going
I don’t know where the road will turn
But I will keep on walking
Until I find my home
I don’t know if I can do it by myself
Cause sometimes I’ll admit I need some help
So maybe you’ll come with me, or maybe you’ll watch me go
That’s fine, I will always make it by

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Tell me hunny

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Throw up my life into a paper cup
Tell me hunny, do I look good enough?
Hit the ground, I’m never getting up
Tell me hunny, how’s my makeup look?

Shatterred in pieces but I’m doing fine
I’ll take a drag and ill walk that line
Between who I am and who I’m becoming
This isn’t the end but it feels like it’s coming

I’m hiding myself from no one but me
Crimson red paint that’s dripping around me
Down on me knees, looking up at the sky
Is it raining tonight or is it the tears in my eyes?
I’m hiding myself from no one but me
Turn off all the lights I dont want to see
The girl in the mirror she’s screaming at me
Saying she’s sorry, I’m sorry, to me.

 

 

Song bit

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I don’t like looking back, three years ago I never had, any friends, any hope,

I gave them up all for a joke, Of a man who laid his hands on parts of me he shouldn’t have,

and yes I knew, I swear I knew, that I had to leave but I couldn’t move,

Cause at one, point in time, you, had me by my mind and I almost lost it all, you didn’t care you watched me fall

But that was then and this is now and now is always gonna change but today it’s safe to say that I’m gonna be okay
I say I’m gonna be okay

Blogmas Day 22: Needing a night out

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Sometimes you just need your best friend, good music, a tequila and sprite, and a late night. That was me tonight. I desperately needed to forget about my work week, my embarrassing break down, my bad experiences, and just let loose for a couple of hours. I needed to sing some throwbacks, dance way too close to strangers, get groped by a gay guy…well…okay I didn’t need that part but it was definitely comedic, and probably spill my drink more than a couple of times.

I am so happy I agreed to go out tonight. I feel so much more relaxed…but that’s honestly probably the tequila talking. Hopefully this feeling lasts though and I can have an amazing Christmas and hopefully an even more amazing start to my 2018.

Blogmas Day 19: Ciao, Adios

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I wrote a thing tonight that I wanted to share with you guys and get some opinions on. I don’t know if it’s one piece or two separate pieces that I just put together but shouldn’t be or what…but I hope you enjoy reading it!

Ciao, Adios

You smile at me

It’s unsettling

You’re gritting your teeth

I’m falling to my knees

I’m looking away

Scared to leave your place

Cause last time I tried

I saw that look in your eyes

And I knew I was trapped,

In this hell where I couldn’t fight back

But I have been here for too long

It’s about time I tell you I’m done

 

And I say,

Ciao, adios, see you never, here’s a toast

To us being over and done

To this war I’ve finally won.

And I say,

Keep my stuff, I don’t care, turn it into ashes piercing the air

This is my time to celebrate

Say goodbye, I’m walking away

 

Hanging On

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Gone with wind, I’m drowning in a river

Caught in between the lies of a sinner

Kept inside all the years gone by

I’m trapped in a maze with blindfolded eyes

I’m lying to you and I’m lying to me

I’m running from the past that’s not chasing me

I’m up late at night just trying not to cry

Got voices in my head, am I hearing them right?

Lost in the echoes of my screams that

Don’t exist cause I won’t set them free

Got time on my mind cause it moves too fast

Like I’m caught in between the grains of an hourglass

 

And I don’t know where

I belong yet

And I don’t know when

I’ll figure it out

But I’m hanging on

To everything I’ve got

Cause it’s all I have

That’s keeping me up

And I swear I never meant to hurt anyone

I wanna make amends

I lost myself to a cold cruel world

That loves to see lives end

But I’m hanging on

I’m hanging on

 

I stand in the mirror, hours at a time

Just trying to accept that this body’s mine

My life isn’t perfect but it’s not bad

I’m conscious enough to know what I have

They say the more you smile the happier you’ll be

But when that smile is fake what the hell do you believe,

When lies get told and promises break

It takes everything I have just to look the other way

Standing on the edge I’m holding my breath

There’s a feeling in the air as I take another step

It’s eerie and its quiet, no one is around

And the rain is pouring down

 

And I don’t know where

I belong yet

And I don’t know when

I’ll figure it out

But I’m hanging on

To everything I’ve got

Cause it’s all I have

That’s keeping me up

And I swear I never meant to hurt anyone

I wanna make amends

I lost myself to a cold cruel world

That loves to see lives end

But I’m hanging on

 

I’m hanging on to the rope that’s kept me up

I’m hanging on to this life I’ve made me

And all this time, my body’s shaking

I’m hanging on to what’s left of me now

Little do I Know

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Little do you know I’m,

wide awake while you’re sleeping just fine

Little do you know I’m,

still healing while you’re living your life

And little you do you know my,

mind is racing but I

I’m gonna be just fine

I’m gonna be just fine

‘Cause little do I know I have got one hell of a drive

to make it through all your abuse and come out on the other side

And even in my darkest times

When your words invade my space

And those memories form nightmares that I cannot escape

I will be just fine

I will be alright