Monthly Challenges: March

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Little late on making this post but better late than never, right? So, for the month of March, I will be doing two challenges.

The first challenge is a personal one. I am challenging myself to go (the rest of) the month without asking for reassurance. This is something that is triggered by my anxiety. If I feel like I have said something wrong, when in reality I know that I absolutely did not, I will panic and ask if me and that person are okay. I will panic until they respond and even when they do,Β I double check and over explain myself and further freak out. I will say, don’t leave me, don’t go, I’m sorry, I hope you aren’t mad. These insecurities and fears mostly stem from my previous relationship, but some have just been with me since I was a little kid.

Although I have drastically improved my need for reassurance and my ability to just sit through the feeling, let it hit and let it pass, instead of acting on those impulses, I am excited to challenge myself to go a full month without engaging in that behavior. I think I am going to be really well honestly and hopefullyΒ I can continue that into the months that follow. So here’s to fighting anxiety, I hope I can do it!

My second challenge for the remainder of the month will hopefully make the above challenge easier for me to get through. I am doing the 21 day anxiety challenge, which I found on Pinterest, typical. This challenge gives me one activity to do per day and is centered around reducing my anxiety and increasing my ability to manage triggers and be more mindful during attacks or general thought patterns. I am excited to try this challenge, but last time I tried a challenge like this, I didn’t do well. I would forget about it and then end up completing four days worth of anxiety exercises in one day, which only increased my anxiety because I was obsessing over getting them in and completing the challenge. So I’m also going to try to stick with it, but not beat myself up or obsess when I skip a day or two!

Wish me luck and please feel free to join me!

Reflections: February 2017

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My monthly challenge(s) for February were to exercise a minimum of 4x/week for 30 days and do a 30 day bedtime yoga sequence.

I would give myself a C for how I did on February’s challenges. Not great but not bad either. The first two weeks of February I definitely struggled with the whole workout thing. I did start and I did workout at least…2x/week, but the problem wasn’t that I didn’t DO the challenge, it was that I didn’t LIKE the workouts I was doing. I wasn’t motivated by them. I discovered that I am the type of person who needs constant change in a workout routine. I can’t just do the same thing over and over again. I become bored and unmotivated. So after about two weeks and a lot of internet digging, I found two YouTube channels I am a big fan of, HASfit and Blogilates. I also enjoy some videos by Fitness Blender, but not as much. I use HASfit for strength training and I use Blogilates for my pilates style workouts, which are centered around using my own body weight and increasing flexibility. I find that combining workouts from both of these channels gives me the variety I need to stay motivated as the weeks go by. Sometimes I combine both in one week, other times I alternate biweekly. I’m starting to like getting my workout in and feeling better about myself overall. I haven’t seen much change yet, physically, but I have noticed a difference in how I feel about myself and my energy levels throughout the day. I also recently joined a gym with my best friend for the sake of cardio so that’s a plus!

The yoga challenge…I basically didn’t do. I did it for about a week and then stopped. I didn’t enjoy it. I found myself rushing through it so I could go to sleep. It wasn’t something I personally liked doing so it’s just not for me and I’m okay with that.

So that was my reflection on the challenges I set for February. In just a few minutes I’ll be posting my challenges for March so check those out and maybe even join me!

You Are Completely Free

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I hate that you get out of this so easily

I hate that there is nothing I can do to retaliate against you.

You did this to me.

I suffered,

and you just…

you got broken up with.

That’s it.

That’s ALL that happened to you.

That’s ALL that will have EVER happened to you.

You will never suffer the way I have.

You will never have to face what you’ve done.

You will never feel shameΒ orΒ guilt,

because you will never have to own up to it.

You will get away with it,

and that is something that I will ALWAYS hate.

That I’m here,

fighting for my happiness;

fighting to overcome everything you did to me;

fighting to be free from this bullshit cell I keep getting pulled back into

because of memories that I can’t get away from.

While you,

you get to go about your life as normal

because nothing will ever happen to you.

Nothing will ever come back to haunt you

because you just got dumped.

That’s it.

That’s all that happened to you.

That’s all that will have ever happened to you.

You will never suffer the way I have.

You’re free.

You are completely free.