And Then I Met You

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I was once so trusting.
So loving.
So passionate,
and then I met you.
I was once so free.
So happy.
So safe,
and then I met you.
I mean,
I had my problems,
but I was getting better.
I was two years clean,
and then I met you.
I was eating well again,
and then I met you.
I was still fighting my battles,
but I was finally winning,
and then,
I Met You.
I met you
and suddenly I was back at square one.
Suddenly I was stealing pain pills from a closet.
Suddenly I was dropping out of college after college,
failing to see the point,
failing to see who I was before you.
You,
who took all the good parts of me.
You
who took that trusting, free, loving girl
and made her into something you could control.
You who raped me
without my even realizing it was rape because that is how normal it had become.
You who now haunts my every day,
my every night.
You who made me this shell of a person.
So much so,
that I can’t even let the man I now love,
love me back,
because I am too afraid that I’ll lose sight of myself yet again.
because I am too afraid that I will not be good enough.
He will never get to see the me I was before I met you.
Hell, I probably never will either,
because back then,
I was trusting.
Back then I was free.
I was lost but I was finding myself.
I was winning a war that I had been fighting for years.
Back then,
I was me.
And then I met you.

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