A Year of Blogging: Day 26


Q: Do you consciously do things to test people? If so, why do you feel this is necessary? How would it make you feel if a friend were doing that to you?

A: Yes I do. I have drastically decreased the frequency that I do this, but yes, I do consciously test people. I do it when my anxiety is acting up and I am wondering if whoever I am talking to can deal with it, if they want to deal with it, if they know how to deal with it, etc. I look for certain answers or wordings to make calm myself. I do not feel that testing someone is necessary, at all. In fact I think it does nothing but cause drama and add insecurity both to myself and my relationship between the other person.

I do not do it often anymore, which I am very proud of myself for, because I have learned a lot about why I do it, where that urge comes from, and how to better address the urge without needing to test someone. This learning process has helped me better myself and preserve relationships that otherwise would be damaged by now.

I am very proud of how far I’ve come in dealing with my anxiety, my triggers, and how I go about dealing with those triggers. I very rarely act on an urge to test somebody, but when I do, I regret it deeply and remember that feeling for the next time, so maybe I won’t do it again.


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