Today I Was…

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Discharged.

Today, November 29, 2016 at 11am I was discharged from outpatient treatment therapy. Today, I am no longer depressed, I am no longer a suicide risk, I am able to think cognitively and mindfully, and today I have been discharged from treatment.

Four months ago on July 24th, 2016 I began seeing a new psychologist. You see, I had been seeing a talk therapist for a good…3 and a half years, and she helped me so much. I am so grateful for her, but a lot happened in that time. A lot that I never spoke about. She became someone I paid to sit and chat with, which is actually what I needed sometimes. She was great at first, but I became dependent and I became stuck.

So, on July 24th, 2016 I began seeing a new psychologist and she changed my entire life. Well, I changed my entire life, but she is a part of the reason why. Without her, I would not have faced the facts of my abusive relationship. Without her, I would not have learned how to cognitively approach my thoughts. Without her, I would not have learned how to properly cope with situations in life. Without her, I would not have learned how the brain actually works in terms of my personal addictions. Without her, I would not know how to face my social anxiety. Without her, I wouldn’t understand this cycle, all of these cycles, that I was in and why and how to face them. Without her, I would not now know how to handle the urges to self harm or purge or restrict or overanalyze and ask for reassurance where it is not needed. Without her, I would not know how to turn away from the thoughts of suicide. Without her, I would not have figured out how strong I actually am and how happy I can actually be.

But without me, without my determination, without my need to face these things even when I made mistakes and even when I was crying and scared and alone, without me I would not be where I am today. I will not share my numbers with you all, because I feel that is my personal information and my personal details, but I will say this. In just four months, 16 weeks, I went from severely depressed/suicidal to not depressed at all. In 16 weeks, 112 days, I went from a complete inability to think cognitively and mindfully to that being my automatic brain response to most situations. In 112 days, 2,688 hours, I went from being in my room nearly all day/everyday and being terrified of anything social what so ever to going to three social events in the last two weeks of treatment and getting a full time job in a position where I am constantly interacting with people. In 2,688 hours, 161,280 minutes, I went from having a 36% quality of life to a 68% and quickly rising. Those are numbers I do not mind sharing as they are vague.

In such a short amount of time, I changed my life. There is more I’d like to do and more I’d like to improve upon, but that no longer requires assistance from a psychologist. I know what needs to be done, now I just have to do it like I’ve been doing it for the past four months, 16 weeks, 112 days, 2,688 hours, and 161,280 minutes.

Today I have been discharged. Today I have never been happier. Today I have never been prouder. Today, today I am free.

*Today I am almost 5 months clean of self harm. (7/3/16)

*Today I am 6 months clean of purging (5/29/16)

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