It’s Still All I Know


My interpretation of sex

my mental interpretation of sex

is shut the fuck up and try not to cry

and if you do start to cry

Lie about it.

Do this for him.

Do this so you won’t feel guilty

so he won’t manipulate you into feeling guilty

Shut the fuck up and lay there and take it.

Get over it.

He loves you.

Do this for him.


That is how I perceive sex

Even though I know sex is so much more than that

Even though I am aware that the perception I have

is nothing more than my brain telling me what it has been taught

It’s still all I know.






3 thoughts on “It’s Still All I Know

  1. I’ve had a lot of just-for-him/obligatory sex in my life… dissociating from the actions much of the time. I hope whoever you are with now is not the one that taught you / ingrained in you this perception. If so, it is something that can get better – believe me – it takes awhile and it takes work… but as long as you are not with the abuser there is hope.


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