Last night I found myself wondering why he chose me.
I was confused. I wasn’t mad at him; I wasn’t sad about the situation.
I just wondered, why?
What made him see me as someone he could manipulate.
I mean, yeah, he was right because that IS what he did for a year and a half,
but we met on Facebook.
He pegged me as this weak, easy to control, girl simply by talking to me online.
What did I do, say, not do, not say, to give him that impression of me?
That is a question that I will never get an answer to because,
- I am never going to ask
- He would not tell me even if I did
“Why?” is a question that will repeat itself from time to time.
It is also a question that has no real purpose in being asked.
Knowing why he chose me will not change what has happened.
Knowing why will not give me any kind of reassurance, in fact it would likely do the opposite.
Knowing why will not justify what he has done.
Knowing why will not make anything better.
Knowing why won’t change a damn thing
“Why?” is just some question I want to know the answer to for the sake of pride,
but I don’t need to preserve my pride because I have done nothing wrong.
His actions are not excusable.
What he put me through; what he made me feel; what he made me face,
that is on him. Not me.
I am not the victim here.
I am the survivor.