To all of you out there who are in the middle of fighting off relapse…stop. Stop fighting it and start facing it.
I’m not telling you to give in. I’m not telling you to relapse. I’m telling you that sometimes, fighting the thing that’s bullying you, doesn’t solve the problem. Sometimes, you have to stop fighting. Let your addiction bitch at you all it wants. And just stare at it until it shuts the fuck up. Because it will shut. the fuck. up.
I’m not telling you this is how it works for everyone, but this is how I got through my first urge post my last relapse. I stopped trying to push it away from me because that showed I was scared of it. That showed that it still had some form of control over me. So instead of pushing it back, I stood still. I let the negativity surround me. I let my addiction yell to me and fill my head with thoughts that weren’t mine. I faced it.
And I continue to face it every single day, but I haven’t given it back the control. Because that night I learned something.
I learned that if I just keep facing it. Staring at it. Eventually, the thing that’s been controlling me becomes just another object in the distance.