10 Things I Learned From Being In an Abusive Relationship

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It’s difficult to see and then accept that you are in an abusive relationship. It’s even harder to leave once youโ€™ve accepted it, andย the โ€œwhyโ€ isย impossibleย to put into words.ย 


1. Abuse is in no way a black and white topic, there is so much gray interlaced throughout it.ย 

2.ย Verbal abuse does not always come in the form of negative commentary, but instead often comes in a twisted form of the positive.

3. Sometimes, youโ€™re only as important as the services you can provide someone.

4. ย Grand gestures to someone can be done for selfish reasons.

5. Trust your fucking instincts.

6. Guilt is not a valid reason to have sex.

7. If he constantly tells you that you are the problem, walk away because the problem is him.ย 

8. “Love” and “sex” are not fucking synonyms.

9. Neither are โ€œConsentโ€ and โ€œConsensualโ€.

10. Abuse is not rare, it’s just not realized.

Face It

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wallpaper-butterfly-photography-depth-of-fieldTo all of you out there who are in the middle of fighting off relapse…stop. Stop fighting it and start facing it.

I’m not telling you to give in. I’m not telling you to relapse. I’m telling you that sometimes, fighting the thing that’s bullying you, doesn’t solve the problem. Sometimes, you have to stop fighting. Let your addiction bitch at you all it wants. And just stare at it until it shuts the fuck up. Because it will shut. the fuck. up.

I’m not telling you this is how it works for everyone, but this is how I got through my first urge post my last relapse. I stopped trying to push it away from me because that showed I was scared of it. That showed that it still had some form of control over me. So instead of pushing it back, I stood still. I let the negativity surround me. I let my addiction yell to me and fill my head with thoughts that weren’t mine. I faced it.

And I continue to face it every single day, but I haven’t given it back the control. Because that night I learned something.

I learned that if I just keep facing it. Staring at it. Eventually, the thing that’s been controlling me becomes just another object in the distance.